To paraphrase Ms. Parker, “What fresh tyranny is this?”
“With this pen, I thee shred.”
What part of “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed” does the professor of Constitutional Law not grasp? Ah! That’s not really the operative question, is it? We should be asking “how, exactly, does the Constitutional Law professor intend to circumvent that pesky amendment?
Don’t worry though, the Oscar nominations just came out. That means that politics-weary country can turn its attention back to Hollywood as the circuses are about to begin (for the time being you’ll still have to bring your own bread, butt we’re working on that too). That should at least get us all through Kim Kardashian’s first trimester.
Speaking of the Oscars reminds me though; remember when Hillary refused to say she was retiring when asked about her plans yesterday? Well, I think I’ve got a scoop for you: after conquering Washington she’s going to transfer her considerable acting talents to Hollywood to make a little more dough:
Amour received 5 Oscar nominations
In fact, I suspect she’s already been moonlighting:
Maybe that’s why she was so sure the Benghazi massacre was caused by a movie.
At his press conference with Angie yesterday, Big Guy put the entire economic situation in perspective: "Our task is to not panic, not overreact." Some would argue that a trillion dollar stimulus package was a bit of an over-reaction, butt they’re all Tea Party racists or partisan R-words.
He then continued to have it both ways to calm everyone’s nerves, saying he’s not concerned that we’re headed for a double-dip recession (whew!), butt he has ordered an acceleration in the recovery. Gosh, I wish he would have thought of that a little sooner.
Maybe then I could have gotten that raise I requested back when Rahmbo was still running things around here (which I never got, BTW), and I wouldn’t have had to take on my new moonlighting job, in order to make ends meet.
As you known, I began my government career in the Smithsonian, so I was hoping to get a part time job over there, butt I guess I didn’t have enough seniority. So Big Guy arranged for me to get a gig over at the National Archives. I’m supposed to be refracting the “Constitution according to Ricky Holder”, butt I can’t really do that, so I’m just reflecting it as it was originally written. I’m sure I’ll lose my job when someone figures this out, butt so far no one from the regime has even been by to take a peek.
As jobs go, it’s a pretty good one. I get to stand guard by the three “Charters of Freedom” and reflect on their wisdom and beauty: something I rarely get to do in my day job any more. My only complaint is that it cuts into my spare time, so I won’t be able to spend as much time with you in the comment stream of my little blog, butt I’ll do my best!
And speaking of my day job, you saw that Angela Merkel came for a State visit yesterday?
The wide world of Sport, spanning the globe
Big Guy had his hands full with Angela: covering everything from what to do about Quadaffi (“days, not weeks”) in Libya to European economic stability. They discussed the Greek debt situation, which he told Angie is really her problem:
"We think it would be disastrous for us to see an uncontrolled spiral and default in Europe because that could trigger a whole range of other events,"
I mentioned that he was talking about Europe, right?
Taking note that economic turmoil has roiled both sides of the Atlantic, Obama added: "Recovery from that kind of body blow takes time."
…which is code for “It’s Bush’s fault; he and the R-words drove our Jeep Wrangler into the ditch and we haven’t been able to figure out how to put it in 4-wheel drive in order to drive it back out. So we’ve been spinning our wheels, and digging in deeper and deeper.”
Did you know that this marked the first official visit by a European leader to the White House since Big Guy moved in? Can you believe it? We’ve had Indian, Mexican, Chinese and Palestinian leaders thus far, butt none of our WWII or NATO allies. I think that’s to clarify that we’re in favor of a New World Order, and to keep things fair and balanced around here.
Anyhoo, to mark the occasion, Big Guy presented Angie with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
It was a little awkward though, since BO forgot to toast Angie after the presentation. You might think that the awkward silence would have clued him to go to the toast, butt he just thought the audience was asleep at the switch, so he told everyone they could applaud.
Which they did. Butt finally, someone reminded him that he forgot the official toast, so he got a do-over and Angela got two applause lines. Nice. Butt I think it might be time for our protocol chief to review the Presidential Toasts chapter with Big Guy again.
Oh yes, and Lady M looked swimmingly fine in another Naeem Kahn gown, this one a lovely ivory chiffon with hand beaded, hand made crystals: a project that saved or created another 100 jobs. In India.
Trailing economic indicators
Here’s the thing: it’s not easy to shorten a beaded gown, especially one that’s linearly beaded. I’ve mentioned more times than I care to that you must select the shoes you’ll be wearing with the gown prior to the final fitting. Butt does Lady M ever listen? Always, we have to wait till the last minute, and then we get it wrong.
Butt the other ladies invited to last night’s State dinner looked lovely. Didn’t I tell you that blue was huge this year? Everything from navy to Cinderella.
If you don’t know who Eric Schmidt is, you could Google him
Clockwise from top left: Carolyn and James Taylor, Stephen and Debbie (fire cracker) Wasserman Schultz, John and Jane Roberts (!?!) Eric and Patty Shinseki.
Hillary thought aquamarine was close enough to blue to count. Butt then, she’s still trying to recycle everything from the Clinton era.
Go ahead, take a look for yourself - I’m not there. And neither is Sam Kass; the busiest (and only-est) man in “food policy” and the leading spokesman for Lady M’s “Let’s MOve” campaign.
In addition to his “Let’s MOve” responsibilities Sammy, as you may recall, is a man of many jobs including coordinating the efforts of our organic honey producers:
Butt back to my original point, Sammy and I don’t show up as paid members of the Big White staff. Unbelievable. Go ahead, check it out for yourself.
The other 454 White House staffers - including all your favorite thugsgoons public servants: ValJar, Pluffy, Favy, Daley, Tiny Tina, Mr. Claire Shipman. Everyone! Except Sammy and MOTUS.
Well, you can imagine how that fried my circuits. Then I saw how much 21 of those those schmucks valuable team members are paid: $172 thousand flipping US dollars! AND another hundred-and-freaking-20 MORE make over $100,000! No wonder there was no money in the budget for that 6-outlet power strip I requisitioned last month.
After I got my reflections down off the ceiling, I immediately called Bill (Daley) who explained that Sammy is not included in the report to Congress because he’s not “White House staff.” He’s “Residence staff.” Pardron-ey moi!? Yeah, he’s “residence staff” because he’s not considered“political” - Bwaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Sammy joined us at Big White in 2009 following 2 years of service as Big Guy’s “private chef” back in the Windy City when the Wons lived next door to Tony Rezco who is currently enjoying an all expense paid sabbatical in a federal facility. Butt the important point here is that as a “Residence staffer” we don’t have to report to Congress on his activities, pay or anything else. He’s a Big White ghost!
As for Moi, I’m not classified “White House staff” either. I guess I’ve been classified as a “Cabinet Level Administration Appointee” ever since Rhambo gave me my own seal, instead of a raise. To be honest, I didn’t realize the ramifications at the time, butt apparently I am considered “political” now butt not on the list because Rhambo arranged for a Senate approval of my new political position. I guess it’s not that hard. To get approval for a new cabinet level position that is.
Anyway, pre-seal, I never used to be political, I used to be just another “detailee” like # 8, Sarah Apsel who makes $108 717 (!)and #23, Brandon M. Belford, who makes $119,238!!!! Now that I have a title and a seal, I don’t make even a fraction of that! I’m moonlighting at the makeup counter at Macy’s just to pay my health insurance for cripes sake (which I need to cover myself now that NASA has been defunded and relegated to focusing on Muslim Science Appreciation training. I think I feel myself getting more political every day.
So, I’m sorry I had to vent on you here, butt I am glad to get that off my screen. Doctors say you shouldn’t keep things like that bottled up inside. It’s not good for your system. I think I’ll mention it to Lady M later this afternoon, after she’s had her “tea.”
And speaking of Lady M, there’s nothing new since we went to Vermont to show our support for military families and raise some dough: both intended to help us WTF. Now we’re at Camp David for the 4th of July in order to try to convince the American people that we’re just ordinary patriotic Big White residents.
Just a quick note on the military family gig: Lady M and TOTUS-Too put on the now standard show of caring, support and call to action at the Vermont Army National Guard’s Aviation Support Facility in South Burlington. “After meeting so many troops and veterans, after meeting so many spouses and children and parents, I can say with complete authority that you all are absolutely incredible,” Lady M told the audience.
I think they’re buying it, aren’t they?
Well, the ones who are still awake any way.
We didn’t have too much time to “hang wid da troops” because we need to raise a billion dollars before our economic policies kick into high gear, so we went to our third fundraiser of the day at a really cool aquarium. Even though it cost $5,000 per plate (and nobody bought a second plate), everybody seemed to have a good time. Well, except some of the paparazzi, like Molly Walsh, who were disappointed that they didn’t get direct access to Lady M and were kept at bay by “handlers.” Molls for example, got stuck behind the spiny-soft-shell turtle tank. I thought it was a great spot, butt you can’t make everybody happy.
The chow was pretty good too, although it’s a good thing Food Policy Czar Sammy wasn’t policing the joint:
Roasted tomato and Maytag Blue cheese on crispy polenta rounds
Griddle scallops with sweet chili sauce and crème fraiche croute
Orange scented goat cheese, house pickled beets and Digger's Mirth (!) arugula on a crostini
BLT salad in toast cups.
Carnivore option: seared beef tenderloin with roasted shrimp and shaved radishes with herbed bulgur salad and arugula béarnaise sauce;
Or the yummy vegetarian option, falafel pancake topped with roasted vegetable Napoleon and fresh tomato-basil salsa.
All accompanied by rolls from the O'Bread (this was special!) bakery at Shelburne Farms and Vermont Butter and Cheese company cultured butter.
And for dessert, lime coconut macaroon bars, strawberry lemon bars and chocolate chip cookies.
It’s a good thing the food was good, because TOTUS-TOO confirmed that it wasn’t just me: Lady M did give the exact same speech at all 3 of the DNC organized fundraisers. Butt it was good value for the Burlington Aquarian crowd, because I think the Bostonians paid a whole lot more than $5000 a plate to hear the same speech. Although they did get to hear it first. So that’s special.
Due to the imposition of a complete photo embargo of the WON-TOO’s Hawaiian vacay with Oprah, Lady M has allowed me to take a short trip back to the mainland. So I’m going to Sundance!
In lieu of any actual photos to entertain the fan club, even HuffPo was forced to play with GIFs
Many of you know that I often attend Robert Redford’s film festival in the mountains of Utah which features a raft of movies made by the “I hate America” crowd for the rest of the “I hate America” crowd. The festival is held in Park City, Utah. Each year the films selected to play at Sundance run the progressive gamut of pro (pro-abortion, pro-green what-ever) and con (anti-capitalism, anti-business, anti-gun, anti-coal/oil/gas/frackin'). I did mention that the festival is held in Park City didn’t I? Where it’s always cold this time of year, sometimes brutally so, due to global warming.
I’m not coming right out and calling them hypocrites butt I will note for the record that none of the “anti-energy-production-unless-it’s-green” crowd objects to driving (or being driven) up the snowy roads from the Salt Lake Airport in carbon spewing 4-wheel drive SUVs and limousines, staying in heated hotels and condos, frolicking in their outdoor pools and hot tubs, dining at 5 star restaurants where the chefs roast, grill, bake and fry their food, warming up at the gas-fired kiosks on Main Street and enjoying the warmth and ambiance of the ubiquitous fireplaces which are mostly natural gas-fired now days, due to the high carbon footprint and particulates generated by burning wood. I wonder where they think all that gas comes from?
Butt I digress; as everything seems to be going just fine in the realm of Winkin', Blinkin' And Nod,
White House arts workshops, visits to underserved schools and the inclusion of young people at state events are now standard practice and may be her most lasting legacy.
I feel free to bust out for Sundance and find out how the other half of the 1% live.
File photo of more First World Problems being resolved.
Although she always has in the past, I don’t know for sure if Kim Kardashian will make it to Sundandce this year or not – being a mom may cramp her partying style. Butt since she’s been stepping out regularly again, I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for her.
Maybe I can pick up a few extra bucks moonlighting if she makes it. Because while little North West may have recently vacated some space upfront, this baby’s still got plenty of back.
And even if you’re of the school that enjoys a big-butted woman, the cameras are not always kind.
If you know what I mean, and I think you do.
So I’m off! I’ll be hitting the road for a few days when I hit the mainland and will be reporting from Sundance once things get into full swing.
“This was a big storm and he might as well enjoy it. It was ruining everything, but you might as well enjoy it” ― Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls
Welcome to another evening at MOTUS’ Twilight Nocturne Lounge. Since we’re a little short handed, Little Mo and I have been assigned to SS guard duty tonight. I’m assigned to Lady M’s closet detail and Little Mo’s covering the Rose Garden door. It looks like we’ll both be moonlighting until the Secret Service gets their act together and/or we can get a locksmith over here.
So we’re self-serve tonight: if you can, please try to help the less experienced prepare their adult beverages. The trolley is fully stocked, and there are sacks of beer nuts, chips and Cheetos under the bar. Please don’t over serve yourself unless you have a designated driver. I’ll try to stop in during my designated 15 minute breaks if possible, otherwise you’re on your own so don’t do or say anything I wouldn’t. Hee hee.
Tonight’s happy hour is brought to you by the color RED, in all its glorious shades and variations:
Why red? Well, it is a traditional fall color, plus it seems that a lot of the news stories in play this week involve blood in one way or another. And given the inclinations of the current regime red seems appropriate as a red flag has been a symbol of left-wing politics, most notably Communism, ever since the French Revolution. Mind you, I’m NOT fomenting revolution, I’m just noting the fact and celebrating the color red.
So settle in, relax and enjoy the music and the company of fellow travelers. Feel free to help yourselves to the libations and snacks butt please, don’t abuse your white privilege – should that designation apply to you (I think you know who you are).
Now for tonight’s entertainment: I’m pleased to present one of my favorite artists singing his best red song: Ray Charles and Ruby.
And I have a bonus tune because - given our “red” theme - I’m half expecting the New York Times’ most famous redhead to drop by for a nightcap later.
She’s got a little crush on Little Mo, although it might be self love; you can never be quite sure with that girl. Anyway, this one’s for you MoDo: Drowning in My Own Tears:
To accompany tonight’s theme, a red cocktail is in order. Martha Stewart, bless her heart, has alovely red cocktail, butt if you don’t feel like making your own cranberry orange vodka may I recommend a more traditional ruby cocktail: the Americano, which is equal parts Campari and sweet vermouth with a splash of soda, garnished with an orange twist.
Popularized by expats at the legendary Harry’s bar in Rome, it may be enjoyed either on the rocks or straight up. It can be tarted up with the addition of more potent spirits and still retain its ruby nature. Add a shot of gin and you’ve got a classic Negroni:
Or add a shot of good old American bourbon and enjoy a lovely deep ruby red Boulevardier. What isn’t better with a shot of Bourbon I ask you?
I’m sure if he’d thought of it Hemmingway would have been a Boulevardier drinker; as it was he was known to enjoy a Negroni or two at Harry’s:
Legendary barkeep, Giuseppe Cipriani, serves the legendary Earnest Hemmingway a legendary Negroni.
Fun fact of the night: the Americano was the first cocktail ordered by James Bond in Casino Royale which was the first in the novel series.
So set ‘em up Mo, and let the shedding of this week’s woes begin. And remember: ask not For Whom the Bell Tolls it tolls for we.
“The world is a fine place and worth fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.” ― Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls
NOTE:This is the fourth in a series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews I’ve been able to arrange with “Deep Quote,” aka, “Molsterman,” (aka “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community). This week we find him operating under cover at the Department of State.
MOTUS: Molsterman, what are you doing over at State?
DQ: My experience at Justice with the “guns gone missing” probe forUnivision made me a natural for digging into this Libyan mess.
MOTUS: What does the “guns gone missing” theory of Fast and Furious have to do with Benghazi?
DQ: Your kidding, right? Missing weapons have become a central theme in the Amateur’s administration; give them to bad guys, let them do their dirty deeds then blame it on the bitter clingers.
MOTUS: Right. I get the Fast and Furious modus operandi, butt what do bitter clingers have to do with our dead Ambassador and the Navy Seals?
DQ: Sheeze, MOTUS! Can’t you connect the dots yet? It’s the same game, only with higher stakes. Only this time the “bitter clingers” were going to be painted as the supporters of the evil dictators. We gave all sorts of heavy armaments to the Libyan rebels to overthrow Gadhafi so Big Guy would be hailed as a hero for ridding the world of evil dictators, all while leading from behind and not putting any boots on the ground.
leading from behind
Only one problem. It didn’t work out so well. Not only did those “rebels” start using our shoulder mounted rocket launchers for unapproved terrorist attacks,
Desert Prairie Dogs armed with U.S. shoulder mounted rocket launchers
but the leaders replacing the evil dictators are less, uh, “moderate” than Big Guy had hoped they would appear to be. In reality both the Egyptian and Libyan regimes are a lot more “al Qaeda” than Magna Carta. And they can’t even control their own terrorists.
MOTUS: Butt I thought the Muslim Brotherhood was “moderate?” I’m sure I remember our Director of National Intelligence telling us that.
DQ: Yeah, Director Clapper’s been Big Guy’s hang dog before. He was sent out last year to try to float “the Muslim Brotherhood is a ‘moderate, mostly secular’ league of gentlemen” hot air balloon. Needless to say, that dog don’t fly, if you’ll pardon my mixed metaphor.
Anyway, everything I found out over at State is so painfully obvious that even the normally comatose lapdogs have figured it out by now.
So I decided to do something a little more fun and I’ve been moonlighting on my own over at Romney Debate Central.
MOTUS: Oh! That sounds dangerous!
DQ: Nah! First of all everything was neat and tidy which was disorienting considering where I’ve been lately. I’d completely forgotten what it was like to be around adults. But once I got my bearings, I did pick up some interesting intel about the debate preparations.
MOTUS: Oh! Tell, tell!
DQ: Well, have you heard the rumor floating about how Romney intends to handle Big Guy’s lying during the debate, by touching his left index finger to his nose?
MOTUS: No! He wouldn’t dare!
DQ: Well, I can’t say for certain. They’re still debating whether to go that route, or use one of Big Guy’s own favorite finger techniques to throw him off:
Still another camp favors having Romney tug on his left ear every time Big Guy racks up another whopper. This one’s gaining traction with the team because they all know how sensitive the Won is about his big ears.
They figure any of these techniques will irritate him, but the ear thing: that will really get under his skin. Just ask MoDo.
Not that it’s hard to get under that thin skin
I’ve also discovered that they figure they won’t have to actually have Romney do anything in the actual debate. If they just keep floating these rumors out there they figure they’ll knock him off his game.
That’s what happens when you’re dealing with someone known to have thin skin. And to lie a lot.
MOTUS: Anything else we should know from Romney Debate Central, Molsterman?
DQ: Well, the team was considering having Mitt use the language of Big Guy’s own supporters and give him up-twinkles for telling the truth and down-twinkles for lying. But I think they discarded that idea, since it really makes everybody look ridiculous.
On the other hand, it does allow you to convey your sentiments about your opponent’s position in a most succinct way.
And I told you before, don’t call me “Molsterman” again.
(NOTE: My legal pack advises me that I should note that the above is not an actual interview butt rather a composite of various figments of my imagination: much like Big Guy’s “Julia” his two autobiographies and all accounts so far of both Fast and Furious and Benghazigate.)
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