Monday, April 19, 2010

Oprah D-Oprah Redux

You remember the unfortunate Oprah D-Oprah cover incident don’t you?

o-mag-march-092 copy_thumb[2] 

That was back when Lady M and Oprah were feuding over whose fault the embarrassing Copenhagen Olympic rejection was. Oprah was really torqued off because she doesn’t like to attach her brand to Epic Fails (the O’s might want to explore this aversion a bit.) But since Big Guy told her that the Olympic bid  “was in the bag”  she assumed that he had done his part to ensure that the goon squad had made all the proper payments. Big Guy, though, thinking that since he Won, we didn’t have to pay. Boy, talk about being naive!

But I think that’s finally behind us. Oprah has decided that – even though she’s the most fabulously wealthy woman in the whole world – it’s still good to have friends in high places. And she’s starting to figure out, after the Diplomacy Czarina tour,lovely blue floral

that this O-regime is going for an endless dynasty, like they do in South America.

So, Oprah sent over a boxed set of the not-yet-released Discovery channel’s HD DVD “Life” series that she narrated. Since we didn’t have anything else planned yesterday, thinking we’d be in Poland for President Lech Kaczynski’s funeral, we decided to have an unscheduled movie night. We had to wait for Big Guy to get back from his unscheduled golf game, honoring the memory of President Kaczynski’s tragic death. Did you know that this made 32 rounds of golf for Big Guy in his not quite 15 months in office? I only mention this because it indicates the great balance BO manages to work into his life. Especially compared to GWB, who only managed 24 rounds in his entire 8 years! Talk about transformational.

obama_golf

So, we’re going to let bygones be bygones. We got our extra-buttered popcorn, Good’n Plentys and settled in to watch Oprah navigate the natural world.  After all, there’s more that joins us together than pulls us apart. For example, in addition to us all being African Americans from Chicago, there’s the fact that Lady M and Oprah share the same fabulous Chicago-based stylist: 

 TV Oprah

But I digress. Here’s my review of the nature series: if you get this DVD set for Mothers or Fathers Day, you should definitely watch it with the sound off.  Alternatively, don’t open it and exchange it for the BBC version narrated by David Attenborough. Here’s the bottom line: for a woman who made her fortune - and I mean $fortune$ - with her big fat yap, you’d think she’d be better at reading. Oh, I suppose it isn’t all that bad, if you don’t mind being talked down to by a second grade teacher. But why would you want to waste all the beautiful photography with such patronizing, trite, over-heated babble? Don’t we already have enough of that around here?

You can check out the video yourself, if you’re feeling up to it.

11 comments:

  1. After watching 2 episodes of "Life", IMO it's directed at elementary school children and/or the classroom. Look! fish eat other fish, then they make baby fish who get eaten by other fish.
    I don't watch Opa's daytime show, I prefer Jerry Springer and Maury Povich who provide real-life lessons in "how to screw up your family" and "guess how many men could be my baby's daddy".

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  2. I bet Barry (golfer in chief) was pleased about the big kibosh on his trip to Poland.

    What a drag it would have been to act dignifed and respectful to someone else.

    Besides, Michelle didn't have anything new and gaudy to wear.

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  3. I forgot to mention Opa's imitation of a pumpkin in twinkle-toe shoes. You didn't mention the designer of the pumpkin frock but it must be the one who's motto is "If it zips, it fits".

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  4. LOL! "If it zips, it fits".

    MOTUS, thanks for the warning. When I think how I used to hang on OW's every word for advice... well, that was before I realized I could make up my own mind.

    In a tribute to the elementary students the vids are aimed at, here's a riddle?
    What's black and white and rude all over?
    (Even a second-grader can get this one.)

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  5. "If it zips, it fits." ROFL

    Even if it doesn't zip all the way or button at the top you can STILL wear it. Just ask Michelle.

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  6. But, MOTUS, I DO mind being talked down to by boorish, pedantic, patronizing, smug jackasses! Listening to Al Gore turgidly sermonizing for the last 10 years has made me so very tired of know-it-alls. Just because he can't work through the indignation over losing his rightful place in history to a swaggering smirking cowboy doesn't mean we should all suffer. I'm convinced Prince Albert is a malfunctioning cyborg, he's just that weird.

    I digress. Sorry.

    How nice that the Lord Wee Wee's schedule opened up a little for him to squeeze in some relaxation. Being so fabulous must exhaust him.

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  7. I watched a couple episodes of Life with my family. We didn't have the sound turned down but mostly talked over the Oprah's narration. We figured out the name of the fried egg jellyfish before the Oprah told us, so we must be smarter than 2nd graders.

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  8. "If it zips it fits" is so funny! Because I have lots of shoes, my kids used to say I was in the "If the shoe fits, buy it" club-but the zipper thing is funnier!

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  9. Well, at least Linus would be happy.

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  10. "If it zips it fits" - shades of Johnnie Cochran.

    I didn't know they still made cheesy jersey fabric in this weird color. I have seen better-looking barf.

    As for her humongous toes lurching out over the end of her pumps, there are no words to describe this kind of in-your-face ugliness.

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  11. Closeup (if you can handle it):
    http://www.daylife.com/photo/0gx13nwdOg6Vc?q=oprah+winfrey

    What on earth is that thing on her haunch? Do you suppose the designer actually put a diagonal pocket just below what passes for her waistline?

    Anon2

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