Blue Monday

I love blue M&Ms, and not just because I work for Lady M. They’re tasty, they melt in your mouth - not in your hand, and they are blue. We’re all about blue here in Big White: blue states, blue bloods, blue notes on blues night.

But who knew tasty blue M&M’s would be real medicine? CNN is reporting that “…Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that when they injected the compound Brilliant Blue G (BBG) into rats suffering spinal cord injuries, the rodents were able to walk again, albeit with a limp…”

Good news, no?

So a lot of us around The House were understandably confused by Toes’ morning tweet ordering that all blue M&Ms be removed from all US Government candy dishes and disposed of in the appropriate recycling bins.

I thought that Toes was just concerned about the side effects of the spinal cord treatments which can be seen in the before and after pictures of the cute little test mouse:

Is that not the cutest mouse you have ever seen? Ok,even if they are vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, blue blood might not be the best look for the Royal Couple.TOTUS and Gibbsy thought that being blue through and through might expose too much of our “moderate” hand. A little too transparent, if you know what I mean.

But it turns out we were all wrong. Rahmbo was really afraid that - if the researchers were right - it might explain why the blue dogs in congress, who frequently breeze through and empty the candy dishes, appear to be growing spines.

Flower Child

Eeeeww! Sir Paul was serenading Lady M from afar. It was pretty creepy watching this ex-Beetle, who’s “sell by” date expired sometime in the last century, crooning “Mee-shell” to FLOTUS like a mop-headed 70 year old Jonas Brother. Thank goodness we were safely encamped at Camp David making s’mores for the equally fawning press corps.

We should’ve seen this coming, since the cute Beetle has been drooly over all-things-Obama since BO’s campaign got in gear. I’m thinking he mistook MO for a flower child; a flash back to that summer of hope, dope and love.

It’s true Lady M does have a soft spot for those big squirty flowers. She actually got the idea from Joey B who is known around the White House as the Merry Prankster. Most people around here know about the squirting flower gag and stay out of range when she’s

wearing one. But as TOTUS has pointed out, Joey B falls for it every time. We can’t figure out if he’s just sucking up, or if he suffered permanent damage as a result of the original Electric Kool-aid Acid Test. Which, when you think about it, could explain a lot.

HOPE for America’s Fashion Designers

Did you see the New York Post “hit piece” on Anna Wintour?

Anna was attending the Council of Fashion Designers of America town hall meeting (town halls are so “in”) when La’ Donna (Donna Karan) and “L” (Elie Tahari) voiced concerns about the sustainability of the American fashion industry due to falling profits resulting from steep retail markdowns (sales, for those of you in fly-over).

So BFF Anna asks the perfectly reasonable question:

"Could someone lead a committee that would make ground rules for retailers when the discounting starts, and then all the retailers can agree to it?" When CFDA President Diane von Furstenberg pointed out, "That's illegal," Wintour said: "Is that something we can change? We have friends in the White House now."

Then, from outer space, comes this vicious attack from  tax-lawyer-cum-fashion-disaster-shyster, Vano "The Vain":

"That may be OK over there(Europe)," says Vano Haroutunian, a New York lawyer focused on the apparel industry. "But here, it sounds like collusion."

Anna, babe, you just run with it. Don’t let all that “anti-trust” stuff worry you. We have friends in the White House now,remember? They can’t touch us.

As for you, Vano, and your puppet master at FOX, let me pass on some advice from POTUS: “Don’t bet against us”

Oh yeah, and Vano – there is no “H-O-P-E” in “collusion”

In a statement just released statement from our newly appointed Fashion Czar, MOTUS (that’s me):

“Transforming America’s Fashion System to create or save fashion-forward attire and accessories is a priority of this administration.  For too long now, America’s fashion designers have been held hostage to the greedy interests of parasitic corporate retailers. The Obama administration does not stand with them.”

“CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN,” baby!

The After the Show Show

You’ve all seen the photo-op shots of the beer summit, but Lady M was so pleased with the way I refracted her into her St. Provo Girl outfit that she authorized the release of this photo from behind the scenes. You’ll probably notice that Joey B wasn’t invited to the after the show show. Not that he isn’t just one of the regular guys, but we’ve found him to be better at photo ops than negotiations, or anything else that requires him to talk.

As you can see, MO looks stunning dressed up in her American designed Tyrolean outfit. For you snarks out there who keep suggesting that FLOTUS might benefit from a wonder bra - with my lens and imaging features, she doesn’t need to put herself through that torture. But you be the judge.

We’ll not be seeing MO in this outfit again, even though POTUS and Toes both loved her dance routine with the Festivus pole. That’s good news for me, because that required the use of everyone of my back-up drives.

We’re not maintaining that this was a 100% successful summit, as the prof and the cop still disagreed about the race thing when it was over. But at least we got the Commie Pinko from Harvard to drink an American beer. No, you dolt, Professor Gates, not BO.

Another Clinton Mess to Clean Up

Oh lord!! Here we are, trying to figure out what MO should wear to the kegger tonight when this nightmare story breaks!

Our organic salad bowl out back is contaminated with lead – from a previous administration’s indiscretions!

The likely source of the toxic sludge that has ruined Michelle's garden? The Clinton White House apparently used a sludge-based product to fertilize the lawn during the 1990s! Aside from casting a shadow on the first White House vegetable garden since Eleanor Roosevelt resided there, the sludge ensures that Michelle's garden will never attain organic status. Organic certification processes strictly prohibit the use of sludge as a fertilizer substitute.

Never organic! You’ve no idea how bad it’s going to get around here today.

And doesn’t it just figure that it was the Clintons. Why, oh why, couldn’t it have been the Bush administration?

More on the polka party later. I’ve got a mess to clean up.

“WHO'S THAT GIRL”

Whoa! Dude. We know MO started that whole “toned arms” trend, but seriously, Madge, have some fries with that macrobiotic tofu.

I’ve seen frog legs with more meat on them.

I know you’re not FLOTUS, but you’ve got more money than the entire Chicago Machine. You could afford a whole house full of trans, hyper and quantum imaging mirrors(call me if you need a referral). They could make you look Vanity Fair ready on a moments notice - even if your derriere was the size of the Capital dome.

I just knew that Kabbalah thing wasn’t going to turn out well. Although, I guess it’s better than Scientology.

Chicago? The Milan of the Midwest? Seriously?

Do you see now what I have to work with here? No wonder I’ve been so exhausted lately.

In Michelle Obama's hometown, working women hustle back and forth from home to the office in stylish shoes they can walk fast and far in. They wear chic but commonsense coats that keep them warm in the winters — and those famous sleeveless tops favored by the first lady in the summer.

Anyone who comes from a place that thinks you can safely use the words “chic” and “commonsense” in the same sentence is going to require a lot of trans-imaging.

AP is calling Chicago  the “Milan of the Midwest.” No, seriously. Never underestimate the MSM’s ability to make stuff up. They all listed Hollywood as their first choice at vocation night, so fantasy comes natural. But this one was a stretch even for people living their dream.

So I tried to connect the dots. Milan gave us Gucci, Prada, Armani, Dolce & Gabbana and Versace: Chicago gave us Bob Newhart, John Belushi, Oprah and Hugh Hefner – also, Ted Kaczynski, Saul Alinsky and Bill Ayers. I’m not seeing it yet, and I’ve got the worlds best optics.

OH WAIT! Milan… ITALY! Chicago… Al Capone, Mayor Daley I, Mayor Daley II. Coming into focus now. At least the O’s aren’t from New Jersey.

Oh, and did you know John Dillinger was from Chicago too?

First Country Music, Now Beer?

Yeah, yeah yeah. I know. This is not very flattering.

I was working on the waist (which you have to admit, looks pretty fantastic) and forgot about the hair and that whole “looking angry” thing. They both look like they’re sucking lemons. My bad.

But you have to understand how pissed off the two of them are over that Gates-gate thing. No, it’s not what you think. This is a post-racial presidency, remember?

No. It’s just that we got a lot of negative press following the release of all the facts that BO didn’t know at the time. And after all those stupid cops stood up for Officer Crowley, MO and BO had to invite the Irish cop over for a beer.

For the record: we serve Bordeaux in the White House, not beer. Sheeze. What next, hot dogs and brats? I thought the Bushes were gone.