Out of the Ditch; Into the Abyss

Wisely, Lady M decided not to got to Wisconsin with Big Guy and TOTUS for his Big Labor rally read in Milwaukee. Besides shoring up her energy for this week’s big fall kickoff of the No Kids’ Fat Behind effort, she’s still smarting a bit over her falling poll numbers. And although she’s publically blaming this on the Republican haters, privately she’s blaming Big Guy for not fixing the economy so people won’t notice all her 5-star vacays. 

Besides, she’s also busy rehearsing her stump-speech on behalf of some of our weaker links. She’s been working with me, too, to lose that “angry other woman” look. It sneaks out from time to time and might have contributed just a smidge to her dip in the polls.

But BO had a pretty easy day yesterday, even though he didn’t get to play golf. He played to a friendly house: a veritable love-fest of hand selected AFL-CIO-ers. In his remarks, he shared how the Repubs have been hatin’ on him:

“Some powerful interests who had been dominating the agenda in Washington for a very long time, they’re not always happy with me. They talk about me like a dog. That’s not in my prepared remarks, but it’s true.”

Those little “ad-lib” lines are always a big hit (TOTUS works really hard to get them to sound off the cuff). Especially when they evoke sympathy from the sycophants. Big Guy went on to explain:

“We didn’t become the most powerful nation in the world by just rewarding greed and recklessness.”

Yes, how was it again that we DID become the most powerful nation in the world? Oh yeah: strikes, welfare, food stamps and windmills. Let’s hire more community organizers so we can get more of that.

After blaming Bush and the Republicans for driving us into the ditch, BO rolled up his sleeves and rolled out another half trillion dollar stimulus plan: Trains, and planes, and automobiles. Not a bad day’s work - for a holiday.

Big Dog, little stick

Laboring in Deep Space: Someone Has To Do it.

While you and I pause from our usual tasks for the last holiday of the summer season, my brother Hub, on assignment in deep space, continues to labor 24/7. Here’s a little something he sent me awhile back.

He said I was free to pass it on, if I knew anyone else who needed to get a grip and regain their perspective. Heh. Like there would be anyone like that around here.

I was going to show it to the WONs, but since they really do think that they’re the center of the universe, I decided not to disillusion them. It’s been a tough enough summer as it is, what with the polls and all.

So I’m just passing this little metaphysical journey on to those of you whom I’m certain can deal with it.

Have a nice holiday, no matter which little corner of the universe you happen to be inhabiting.

WARNING: Video depicts deep space insights into our relative insignificance. Do NOT watch if you think you’re all that.

Socialism You Can BELIEVE IN!

Ok, so, I was reading my email this morning and Larwyn (of Larwyn’s Links fame) told me about this super cool contest going on at iOwnTheWorld: Bumped – iOwnTW/People’s Cube Contest! Here’s the scoop, according to my buds at iOwnTheWorld:

Our old boss, mentor and good friend, Oleg Atbashian, has written a new and important book, Shakedown Socialism- Progress To Nowhere. Oleg is the owner/creator/editor/life blood of The People’s Cube – a site that Rush Limbaugh has called the Stalinist version of The Onion.

Oleg has already lived under the oppressive thumb of statism, having been born and raised in Russia, and ever since he emigrated to America he has been alerting everyone to the telltale warning signs of our creeping socialism

He sounds like our very own MOL, Vereteno, born and raised in Russia under Stalin’s thumb, who, if you missed Lola LB’s comment around 12:08PM a few days ago, is also writing a book.

Butt I confess, my first thought was to keep this news to myself, so my entry would have a better chance of winning. Then my anti-virus program kicked out that “ethical violation bug” warning. Wow! That was a close one. I’ve really been spending too much time here with the WONs.

Besides, as long as I’m giving what amounts to free commercial time to Oleg’s capitalist pig endeavor (double OINKs!), my faithful, loyal MOLs, MODs and FOMs should be given a good chance to win too!

So, here’s the deal on the contest co-sponsored by iOwnTheWorld and the Peoples Cube:

In your best victim voice, in a few sentences, make your case as to why you should be the person chosen to receive a free autographed copy of Shakedown Socialism. Give us your sob story or give us your indignant entitlement mentality. Give us your best convoluted progressive logic. Give us your Soviet style propaganda. Tie it into global warming or any other progressive cause. The sky’s the limit. Do anything you can to get that free stuff. (And then when you lose, and your heart is crushed, MAKE SURE YOU BUY THE BOOK HERE! hehe)

Butt wait! If you act now, ‘cause we can’t do this all day, we’ll throw in the chance of a lifetime:

The winner gets an autographed copy of Shakedown Socialism in exchange for their review of the book. The review will be cross-posted at iOTW and the People’s Cube. This could be the start of a whole new career for some lucky person. Or not.

This contest is open until 11:59 pm, Sunday the 5th.

So, don’t delay!

You, too, can become a member of a certified (by Jesse Jackson Jr.) aggrieved identity class. So get your grievance on – we’re all victims on this bus. Today only, please.

Here’s my entry:

I am the Mirror Of The United States and I am a victim of freedom and democracy. Because Americans are allowed to vote for their rulers, it is now my job to make the Obamas look good.

BTW, if I don’t win, you guys better make sure your accountants have your last 10 years of tax filings in order.

Good luck to everyone! Feel free to re-post your entries here too, so we can all sympathize with you.

Class: Don’t Leave Home Without it

Did you see Robin Givens article in the Washington Post the other day? Finally - someone who recognizes all that Lady M has done for this country, now that she’s finally proud of it.

First lady Michelle Obama returned to the White House last week after spending her summer vacation walking the fine fashion line between comfortably casual and utterly camera-ready. Her travel attire served as a wake-up call to all those American tourists who have blighted the national landscape with their ill-fitting shorts, sad-sack T-shirts and aggressively revealing tank tops: You can do better.

Yes we can! Something more like these, perhaps?

Robin continues:

Obama threw down the gauntlet, providing folks with a high-profile lesson on how to be a well-dressed tourist who does not cause the locals to flinch in dismay. Yet she still managed to convey a middle-of-the-road Americanness. She represented the populace in a manner that was approachable but savvy.

Uh huh, savvy. And expensive, but approachable:

            Moschino                                  Jean Paul Gaultier

Narciso Rodriguez                                     Duro Olowu

                                                          Narciso Rodriguez

Robin is so delighted to finally have a classy First Lady who wears her favorite designers, she’s nearly delirious. And she thinks you should follow Lady M’s lead as well. After all:

We are all part of the landscape. We are part of the postcard image, the memory that's tucked into a scrapbook. We should do our best not to mar this country's natural beauty.

Indeed. Let’s be careful out there.

Leave the curtains and table cloths at home for your holidays. You can do better than that.

Dressing Up Our Summer of Recovery

Yesterday we took a baby step towards finally ending George Bush’s recession of 2009-12:

The White House Thursday ruled out an "extraordinary" new economic stimulus plan to fire up the slowing recovery, but said President Barack Obama was scouting new ideas to boost jobs and growth.

No more cash for clunkers, no more Summer of Recovery road signs, no more monkeys doing blow, no more websites for ants, no more modern dance software, (oh,oh: I better not mention that last one to Lady M, what with our dance party coming up and all) – in short, no additional “extraordinary” wasteful spending. Butt wait- those aren't “extraordinary,” they’re just some of the usual suspects.

 North Carolina’s $762k Computer Choreography. So much for Rage Against the Machine.

UNC said they needed the dance stimulus grant to “define an evolving system that assists in the design and production of interactive dance performances with real-time audience interaction.” 

Dude: it’s called a “club.” They have them in nearly every city outside of the Middle East.

“We just came to dance”

But since Big Guy said he’s scouting for “new ideas to boost jobs and growth” I thought maybe I would help him out.

I gave him a copy of this book,

but since he hasn’t opened it yet I assume there’s no sense giving him the sequel:

This is the last in a series of 47 books written by Dr. Sowell about the role of economics in America:

I gave this one to Big Guy too. He said that the title sounded familiar, but he’d rather live it than read about it. I should have known. Aside from TOTUS, he hasn’t had much time for reading.

Neither has Congress:

2000 page Healthcare Bill, 2000 page Financial Reform Bill: it’s in there!

Butt the bottom line is, it’s up to Lady M now to stimulate the economy. We’re going shopping, girlfriend!

 Buy all three pieces and mix and match!

You can join our Labor Day weekend stimulus shopping extravaganza too! Buy one for the team! Let’s Move!

Dancing in the O-zone.

Here is the big news of the week, so far: Lady M is bringin’ dancin’  to the Big White! Happy feet are here again. The series kickoff on September 7 is a tribute to Judith Jamison, retiring artistic director of the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater.

We’ll also be kicking off our Fall ‘No Childs’ Fat Behind’ season with a special hula hooping lesson by Lady M:

Since Judith is now available for private consultation, Big Guy is considering hiring her as head coach for his ongoing dance contest series with the leaders of the Middle East. First thing she’ll have to do though is teach him how to lead:

 Big Guy, following the moves of Thalia. That got him hot water! 

…and move,

Que es mas macho? 

More like Lady M does:

  Again, we ask: who is most macho? 

In Big Guy’s defense however, it does help if you have a booty to shake.

Butt speaking of the dance series: yesterday we held the obligatory pre-show photo ops with the latest contestants for the Noble Peace Prize, Mid-East division:

 Contestants Mahmoud Abbas, Benjamin Netanyahu, King Abdullah II and Hosni Mubarak: they all look like they’re wee-weed up.

I don’t know who to tell you to put your money on for the dancing crown this season, but I can tell you who the “biggest loser” will be, if you want to bet on that: Bebe. The fix is definitely in on that one.

Sucking Lemons

 The march of the wooden soldiers: Left wingman, fall back!

“Try not to look like hostages, boys.”

 

Be sure to tune in for the season finale. We’ll have one of our trade mark “dancing in the O- zone” celebrations:

We Redecorate: the Oval and Beyond.

As you’ve heard, we had the Oval redone while we were on vacation, so it would look nice for Big Guy’s speech last night.

He was very complimentary of our troops while explaining how George W. Bush divisively sent them into a war that pitted patriots on the right side of the issue (ours) against those misguided patriots who supported Bush’s war. But we didn’t dwell on the negative for long: Big Guy quickly moved on to more important issues and, very graciously,  did not mention Bush by name while blaming him for the economy. Nor did he directly blame W for the ongoing unrest in the Middle East, which Big Guy plans to bring to a peaceful resolution. Why didn’t W. think of that before leading us into such an unpopular war?

But doesn’t Big Guy look good in his newly decorated office?

Big desk, little man, take 2: Let’s see, “when you succeed you give credit to others, when you fail you take the blame.” Or is that the other way around?

But let’s focus on something we’re a little more comfortable with: the new visuals:

We’ve pretty much replaced everything except the desk, which makes Big Guy look like he’s in charge when he sits there:

Photographers taking pictures of Big Guy at his desk: Whoa! He’s not there yet guys!

The redecoration wasn’t just for the optics though, it was a matter of necessity. Little Bo is still having some, uh, youthful rebellion issues. Either that or he’s simply out of control. Let’s just say that the old carpet and sofa were suffering from Bo-nut fatigue.

Little Bo with Big Guy, and with his real handler

But the Oval wasn’t the only redecoration that took place while we were gone. A much bigger redecoration project took place over at Justice. Like the Oval re-do it was a slick sleek and quick. It didn’t include new furniture, but I think it  will end up being much more expensive in the long run. See what you think:

Here’s the old DOJ banner, as it used to appear on the Justice Department’s website:

 Old website header at Justice 

And here’s the new banner as it now appears on the DOJ’s website:

  New website header at Justice

One of the biggest renovations is the little teeny-weenie writing on the top that’s hard to see here, but it says:

"The common law is the will of mankind, issuing from the life of the people." 

That was Big Guy’s idea.  It’s kind of a postmodern re-do of what our Founding Father’s had in mind.You probably recall that they thought we got our inalienable rights from the Creator. Apparently Big Guy and Eric the Holder believe they come from the dead socialist,  C. Wilford Jenks, “who in the 1930's was a leading proponent of the "international law" movement, which had as its goal to impose a global common law and which backed ‘global workers' rights.'”

*sigh* Where is Vereteno now. When we need her most?

Just so you know, for future planning, we’ve got a few more redecoration projects on the drawing board too. And no, none of them involve recycling any of the old draperies.

If you don’t want to spend too much more of America’s future on redecorating, you might want to do some of your own Congressional redecorating in November.

H/T Larwyn, who also points out that this gives context to the Department of State’s idiotic decision to take Arizona’s state law to the UN – arguably the largest body of Marxists/socialists  on the planet.