Let’s Get Those Happy Feet Moo-ving

In preparation for the kickoff of our childhood obesity campaign, we’ve spent the last 3 days in hair and makeup; in addition we also spent hours in body wraps and practicing ingress and egress drills for our new industrial Spanx. So we looked extra sharp on GMA, where Lady M proclaimed her love for burgers and fries. There’s breaking news. Anyway, just chalk having to give them up for organic Wagyu beef sliders and truffled pommes frites as one more sacrifice MO has made for her country.

For the appearance, MO wore one of her most elegant white sheath dresses with a matching elegant classic jacket.

If you look closely, you’ll see just how fashion forward Lady M truly is: in lieu of other embellishments, she chose her buff colored thigh-high pole dancer boots to accessorize. Wow!  MO rocks! For those of you who thought they were anti-embolism socks, all I can say is get a subscription to Style.

But this campaign is really all about the children. (And the SEIU and the major suppliers of school lunches, like Sodexo. Because remember, this is going to be one of our administration’s signature “partnerships.” Just like back in Chicago.) But you can watch the whole video if you want. You’ll see it really is all about the children. Oh, did I already mention that? I just didn’t want you to forget. So grab a sugary soda, a bag of chips and a few cookies to enjoy while watching: after all, we’re not children.

Win One For the Lipper

 Lady M  in the green room going over some game day plans with the organic vegetable carvers

Finally, something to celebrate around here. Big Guy’s team won the Super Bowl!  OK, technically Big Guy predicted a Colts victory, but both BO and MO  were rooting for the Saints. And they even found a way to make their underdog status George  W. Bush’s fault.

Obama said the Indianapolis Colts "probably have to be favored"because of star quarterback Peyton Manning but he was partial to the underdog New Orleans Saints, largely due to the devastation that city suffered in Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

And here’s more good news: David Plouffe is back to help Big Guy with some of the prickly legislative items!  He designed our bifurcated Super Bowl  party buffets: 1) the standard greasy buffalo wings, pizza and nachos, pitted against 2) the super-slim, super healthy, super smart buffet consisting of organic veggies artfully carved into little green footballs.

But before he got to party with the cabinet and congressional delegates in the giant TV den, Big Guy had to play kissy face with Katie Couric. He told her he’s got everything under control. He’s going to talk to Republicans ‘tah’ get their ideas for how to solve the health care problem. I’ll bet he wishes he had thought of that at last years Super Bowl party.

But a health care summit! At the White House! Lady M is very excited. We can pass out our toxic organic veggies and sugar filled goodie bags.

We’re thinking of having a Big White summit with the R-words regarding the deficit too. But first they have to promise to cancel the foreclosure plans.

The End Is Near

 

  "Snowmageddon."

 Obamageddon

And there are multiple definitions for each term.

Choose wisely, weedhoppers.

When Snarks Attack 4: The Winner

The winner of the Golden FLOTUS in When Snarks Attack 4 is . . . “bettyann” !!!! I know this is big surprise.

Congratulations bettyann you have snarked your way into the history books and earned your place along side your fellow Golden FLOTUS winners in my new Snark Hall of Fame!!!

In every competition there is a winner and at least one loser. Bettyann’s “boobs fell in her pants” mopped up the floor with bettyann’s   “Thanksgiving day float” like Scotty mopped up the… uh, woops !!!

So come on up and accept your Golden FLOTUS

“bettyann . . . MOTUS, her boobs! They fell down into her pants!”

We’ll be looking for your coveted Golden FLOTUS on your facebook (but we don’t know where to look) and on your “hog”.

Yes; we know, this one’s  a Triumph. But he’s sooo bad!

“It’s hard, it’s scary…” Do Tell.

The second half of the Matt Lauer interview was “interesting” too, although I’m a little worried about Matt. He seemed to be on the verge of tears a couple of times, but Lady M managed to help him man-up. So he managed to get through the tough questions about Big Guy’s grey hair (“he’s cute”), date nights ( “We don't get to do our date nights as much because it just causes more commotion....”), and Obamacare (“It's hard, it's scary, it's confusing. . .”) Then we moved onto the key issue: “who helps you get dressed every morning?” Do you stand in front of the mirror in the morning and say "What am I going to wear and what are they going to write about it?"

Lady M acknowledged that she “can't spend a lot of time thinking day-to-day....(apparently neither can Big Guy) I do it with people. . .You have folks who are going to get your clothes ready,”. That would be “little” people to you and me. And the “you” in “you  have (little) people” would be the royal “you,” related to the royal “we” by marriage.

But here’s the really troublesome quote as far as my job is concerned: “I've learned to wear what I like and to wear what's comfortable."

      

Pippi Longstocking: comfy              Skinny jeans: comfy

    Shorts, tanks, baseball caps: comfy

So, as you’ve all suspected, this is what I’m up against. Of course she stands in front of my imaging system every morning. Of course the little people try to dress her appropriately. But MO has “learned to wear” what she likes.

Royal purple: has learned to like it

Wouldn’t you think for what they charge for a Princeton and Harvard education she might have “learned” a little more than she seems to know? Seriously, purple stripes with aqua?

Michelle Robinson Obama

Princeton B.A. Sociology, Harvard J.D.

It’s In The DNA

Now they’re criticizing Lady M for making sure the little Won’s are eating right? That right wing media is just so un-American. I suppose they have something against apple props too?

Lady M, contemplating sticking an apple in her mouth 

It seems that at our big kick off last week to fight childhood obesity (you remember: our wax zoot suit appearance? Because vertical stripes are slimming.).

MO made it a bit too personal for some in the press by talking about the wee Won’s “body mass index.” Apparently that’s off-limits for some overly-sensitive critics – sort of like kiddie body-fat porn – who claim that “dieting is a gateway drug to eating disorders”.

Any way, the “experts” are getting all hysterical, saying Lady M should never have mentioned the kids because such attention might damage their little self esteems.

Here’s all I can say about that: these two wee Wons come from some pretty hearty self-esteem stock. Their DNA stands for “designated national acclamation,” so let’s stop wasting perfectly good MSM time worrying this. The kids are alright.

Besides, Lady M went on to tell us what this is really about:

“We're going to be bringing the federal government together, those resources in partnerships with business, non-profit and the foundation communities, all of whom are thrilled to be a part of this endeavor.”

In this case, the most “thrilled” of all is the SEIU (file under “non-profit). As their Executive Vice President Mitch Ackerman explained, they’ll be working with us to make sure there is “A more robust expansion of school lunch, breakfast, summer feeding, child care and WIC [the federal Women, Infants, and Children nutrition program] (because it) is critical to reducing hunger, ending childhood obesity, and providing fair wages and healthcare for front line food service workers.”

We are all about nutrition, service workers and the big purple around here.

Andy Stern visiting the Big White organic garden last summer

Out of the Tower of Babble: God’s Voice

We had to get up extra early today to get ready for church. Well, not church per se, but something equally alien: public prayer. Big Guy had to practice his big read several times yesterday, to make sure he could finish before his pancakes got cold. He also had to practice striking the right tone: a little more Martin Luther King, a little less Reverend Wright.

I was relieved to see Big Guy put on his baby blue tie instead of one of his dozen lavender Hermes. He reserves those for when he’s going to attack greedy capitalists. Apparently he believed there would be none present today.

BO smiting the evil money changers in his lavender tie

For Lady M’s part, I know you’ll be relieved to see she’s brought back one of her signature styles: no, not bare arms in the middle of winter. Belts! And a very clever design that makes you look twice to see if she’s wearing one of her also-signature cardigans! You might think it’s blue, because it blends into the curtain behind her, but it’s really – plum. Or Eggplant. OK, maybe royal purple.

But never mind that. Today was really about Big Guy. He raised his voice in prayer to advance his own agenda: he chastised the heathens, telling them that “we become numb to the day to day crises – the slow moving tragedies. . .” (with the exception of the tea partiers up in Massachusetts who seemed anything but numb) “We become absorbed with our abstract arguments; our ideological disputes, our contests for power . . .” I think he’s talking about the Republicans here,  “and in this tower of babble (that’s right, check the transcript) we lose the sound of God’s voice.” Although not for long, Big Guy’s pretty much got the airwaves covered 24/7.

In case you’re wondering, we had orange juice, sausage and pancakes. A short stack for Lady M.

We’ve Just Gotten Too Fat

A very busy week! Yesterday a meeting in the old family dining room with Cabinet and Congressional members to tell them about our all out attack on childhood obesity. Actually, we had to explain to some of them that the recession is not part of this campaign. And it seems there are still a few of them who think we should cut the fat out of the budget before we start picking on the kids’ lunch boxes.

Please note that at both of these appearances, we wore gently used clothes from a previous life. The only new item was our wig, but that wasn’t really optional, if you’ve been paying attention.

Tuesday with the health czar and an ancient senator who won’t be effected by the health care bill he’s “hawking”  (just a little Iowa humor, Senator Harkin).

Same tweed suit on the campaign trail way back in ‘08, when we were still all about change. 

Then today, something much more fun: a love fest on the Today show with Matt Lauer! For this love-fest we chose a dress that we’ve  worn a couple of times before too. It really shows off our best assets:

Lady M on Today Show, where she tells Matt  “ I’ve got this husband who does these interesting things,” Do tell.

The amoeba and tweed dress at a previous appearance. 

You can probably see why we did the Today show interview sitting down.

We added our new signature pearls for Matt too, because Mo is starting to figure out that all those spidery brooches she likes so much just scare the American people – kind of like Big Guy’s legislative policies. The handlers are now trying to make her look more – well - normal. We’ll see how that works out. No word yet from BO’s handlers, but it looks like he’s doubling down. He told the people in New Hampshire yesterday that his Obamacare bill was a “big, complicated bill,” that he knows “scares the daylights out of people.” Don’t you just love it when he gets down with his homies?

Actually, there are two reasons for all of MO’s recycling: First, maybe you didn’t know, but there’s a recession going on. That’s right, we all have to tighten our belts (so to speak). Apparently that memo finally worked it’s way through the bureaucracy around here.

Secondly, for all the mean bloggers out there who keep saying how much weight Lady M has gained since getting her own personal Big White pastry chef, we wanted to show everyone that we can still wear the same outfits we did over a year ago! It just took us a little while for our full time seamstress to get enough matching fabric to complete the alterations.

So there you have it: Altering America one seam at a time.

UPDATE: The other Michelle has a must read on Lady M’s FatWar.