Chicago Rules in Play and We’re still # 12?

Boy, we really are playing by Chicago rules now: “They bring a knife, we bring …a nuclear bomb?”

Good work boys, now we can watch baseball

I guess we’re just going to have to find alternate weekend entertainment now that the filibuster bunker-buster has been dropped. I understand the baseball playoffs are on this weekend – and what’s more American than rooting for your favorite team?

I don’t know how Harry refusing to bring Big Guy’s JOBS JOBS JOBS bill, exactly as written, to the Senate floor is going to allow Big Guy to run the R-words out of town, butt I guess that’s the plan. I guess I don’t really understand politics all that well.

All I know is that Big Guy wasn’t very happy at his presser yesterday:

And who could blame him, with so many problems to deal with: tsunamis, bridges falling down, high speed rails not built, firefighters, teachers, police running out of Obama’s stash and facing layoffs, millionaires and billionaires not paying their fair share: who wouldn’t be pouty?

or, as AP (!) put it:

The overarching theme of Obama's news conference was frustration - on the part of Americans with Washington, and on his part with Congress. It fit with his campaign of late as he moves around the country raising money for his re-election and promoting his jobs plan on the home turf of Republican foes.

"We have a democracy, and right now John Boehner is the speaker of the House and Mitch McConnell is the Republican leader" in the Senate, Obama said. "And, you know, all I can do is make the best arguments and mobilize the American people so that they're responsive.”

Boy that last sentence - "And, you know, all I can do is make the best arguments and mobilize the American people so that they're responsive” - is troublesome. My English language pack warns there’s “an indeterminate, indirect object” in there that might lead to confusion. I guess because you can’t tell for sure if Big Guy wants the American people or Congress to be responsive. All you can tell for sure is he’s not happy with any of them right now because they’re ignoring his demands, thereby placing him in “personal peril” -politically speaking.

I’ll mention this little bit of obfuscation to Big Guy, because I know how strongly he feels about proper grammar. And transparency.

Anyway, Big Guy used the press conference to repeat all of the best points he’s made about a zillion times before and HOPEd that people would finally pay attention to this time – there’s a word for that, what is it?…oh yes, insanity.

I’m warning you, vote for my JOBS bill right away, or I’ll shoot!

To deflect from this spectacle, Lady M held a soccer camp on the South Lawn in hopes that the dailies would pick up on that important political story and downplay Big Guy’s snit at the presser, Fast and Furious, Solyndra, Occupy Wall Street, South Africa Travel-gate, and any other scandals brewing on the horizon.

 

    

Not exactly the Dougie, butt it really shows the slimming results of our recent purge. We’ve been working on a starvation plan in order to get down to fighting weight for what’s bound to be an all out brawl on the campaign trail. When Lady M’s willingness to sacrifice for her country to the point of giving up her snack pack, you know she’s personally invested in doing what’s best for her and Big Guy the party country.

As we all know, extreme circumstances call for extreme measures:

 

Campaign alert: cue the dog!

With our poll numbers slipping the way they have, we’re going to need all the heavy artillery we can muster. Look for the “baby on board” rumors to pick up again soon.

A chronological photo-journalism track record of our falling popularity in the polls:

 

 

Yesterday’s Rose Garden presentation of Big Guy’s jersey from the 2011 NCAA Championship Texas A&M University Women’s basketball team:

 

Yay! We’re number 12!

Bad news: 1- 11 are all R-words, some of whom aren’t even running.

Linked By:  Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

“Give ‘em Hell, Sarah!”

Good grief, the morons congregating across America under the banner of “Occupy Wall Street” seem to be multiplying like maggots in a trash can – which is not intended as a reflection on the likes of any of the OWS supporters such as Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, Roseanne Barr, Morgan Freeman and Samuel L Jackson. Nor am I saying that all of them are or were crack addicts. Butt that would explain why they all seem to believe the government took down the World Trade Center buildings on purpose:

“How did building 7 come down? You tell me, my brother. It was thermite and explosives.”

Do these people not know how to Google? Or maybe they don’t know how to spell thermite? Or maybe they think that thermite is that lethal Kiwi yeast concoction that you either love or hate? 

 

Anyhoo, what did you expect to happen when a group of anarchists are unionized?

Unions united to screw the Man, man!

Same as always: an endless list of foolish demands followed by thuggery and ultimately - of course – violence; because after all we’re talking about anarchists. And unions. Butt wait, real anarchists aren’t joiners, while unions are all about joining…and paying dues. I would think this would cause far more than a small case of cognitive dissonance. Although this appears to be a concept alien to the group as well. At a minimum I would think the protestors in St. Louis, Salt Lake City, etc. would be confused since it’s not easy to “Occupy Wall Street” when you’re not in Gotham City.

Butt worse than the violence is the fact that all this was a distraction from the Lady M rehabilitation tour-de-force planned for yesterday. Beginning with her annual pandering showing at Secret Service headquarters:

Posing for the fans gathered for her appearance at the Secret Service building

 

"People always ask what it is like to have Secret Service around," Mrs. Obama said. "It's like having family around. ... We have a fight among our family over who's getting which people.

"Sasha will come in, it's like, 'You took Scott!'" Mrs. Obama said. "Malia's like, 'You took Scott? That's not fair!' And then I'll say the same thing to Barack. It's like, 'Why did you get Beth?' It's dinner table conversation."

Believe me, the Wons aren’t the only ones fighting “over who’s getting which people.” In fact, sometimes the SS agents resort to drawing straws to keep it fair.

The morning event was followed by a wardrobe change and the always popular fall garden harvest photo op in the Big White organic Garden of Good and Evil with a select group of local children representing America.

Give it up for the dwarf pumpkins!

That’s a red-hot pepper! On the left. I guess that’s still not definitive.

And as Granny Jan pointed out yesterday, MO sported some of the locally sourced caterpillars left over from her equally popular butterfly garden:

Butt trust me, they’re even more impressive after they hatch:

                 

Seriously, any other day all this would have been front page news world wide, butt noooooo! Lady M, like Big Guy, just can’t cut a break lately. She has to share headlines with Sarah finally making it perfectly clear that she will not be throwing her hat into the ring of R-word contenders.

I’m personally crushed: that’s my dream reflection slipping away -

…and Sarah too, of course. Don’t worry though, we’ll pull through, after all, Sarah is now completely unleashed and the world will never be the same. Those who have consistently underrated her because she sounds like a real American instead of a Hollywood issued Gina Davis-America’s First Talking Female President Doll.

Geena as “President Mackensie Allen” – Hollywood’s first vision of what a New World Order President should look and sound like. You might wish to note that “Commander in Chief” which debuted to rave reviews flamed out spectacularly after it’s first season in prime time too.

Seriously, I was thinking that after Big Guy’s ascension to Commander in Chief based on the crease in his pants and his widely rumored oratory skills that voters might demand a bit more substance this time around. Perhaps a candidate that adheres to old fashioned values like a deep love for the concept of America – as conceived, not as transformed. One who actually has faith in and adheres to the Constitution – again, as written, not as transformed. 

I know that Sarah will spend her time and energy hammering the RINO R-words to ensure that they nominate a real conservative, and having seen that Mamma Grizzly in full protect and defend mode, I expect she’ll have her way with them. So keep the faith: the battle’s far from over and the stakes are high. The real conservative R-words could do far worse than having Sarah-Unfettered in their corner. All they have to do is get out of the way and let her grab the mop.

And to the snobs out there who still think she sounds dumb: pretend she’s speaking with a Boston accent instead of a Fargo drawl and you’ll be surprised how much smarter she’ll sound. Even Big Guy has been trying out some “Sarah-isms” to see if he can pull his polling numbers up.

So good luck Sarah the Kingmaker: as they use to say to Truman “Give ‘em hell, Harry!”  I think the R-words should trust her implicitly to help them find the “right” candidate to run against the amazing shrinking president.

Perhaps I’ll still have the honor and opportunity to reflect you up close and personal in a few more years when the little ones are a bit older and the country a bit wiser.

 

H/T Fausta

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Lyin’s, Black Panthers and Fares…Oh My!

We have a HUGE afternoon planned! It’s that time of year EVERYONE looks forward to. No, not Baracktoberfest,

I’m talking about Lady M’s annual fall garden harvest and cook-off with the tweets.

HOPEfully that will push the rest of this week’s little issues off the front page, because aside from a bumper crop of sweets and tweets, this is shaping up as a bad, bad week on the range.

Scandals large and small seem to be oozing out of every pore. And even as scandals are gathering on the horizon, the PR pool has been sidetracked to deal with everything from bad manners to bad memories.

Butt I think we’re going to have to haul in some high powered poop scoopers to handle the mess that appears to be piling up on our front lawn. It looks like we’ve got two potentially “major” league scandals brewing, along with a slew of minor ones.

There’s Solyndra and Gun Walkers of course, butt at last count we’ve got three minor scandals simmering on the back burner too: Lady M’s just released final African trip expense report, combined with nepotism charges for promoting the Wee Wons to senior staff members without even considering other qualified minority candidates.

MO and senior staff members read “Cat In The Hat” to African children

Lady M and her senior staff members land in South Africa on their $412.000 flight

Then, there’s yet another taxpayer funded clean-green money pit, the Nevada Geothermal Power Company, that’s about to go belly-up, and, finally, there’s the New Black Panther whistleblower expose, including a charge of quid pro quo of the DOJ dropping all charges in return for the Panther’s keeping quiet about their support for Big Guy.

                                                                                   h/t Clarice

In any other time and Department of Justice this Black Panther deal might be considered a major scandal, butt we’re marking on the curve now.

And I’m not even going to count the potential scandal related to the Anwar al-Awlaki take down. For one thing, there’s been no credible evidence connecting al-Awlaki in any way to the Solyndra deal and no recoverable DNA located so far in the Lightsquared deal either. So it’s purely idle speculation that al-Awlaki was wacked because of his ties to this administration. And since we’ve got plenty of real fires burning, we aren’t dealing with the speculative this week.

I’ll admit, we are getting a little uneasy about Ricky’s “the dog ate my security briefing” defense in the Fast and Furious scheme that seems to be hurtling out of control.  His plausible non-involvement is losing traction now that a tenacious CBS cub reporter has turned up some embarrassing details about Eric Holder’s prior knowledge of the Fed’s “Guns Walking To Keep Fit” program.

uhhh…can I get a second take?

Can you say “special council” Attorney General?

It’s been getting a little tense around here since CBS decided to actually do some reporting on the Gun Walker story, and ABC has decided they need to pursue the Solyndra story in order to continue the charade that they, too, are a real news network. NBC is still considering jumping in the fray, butt since their specialty is sex scandals, they’re waiting for something a bit more salacious before dipping their toe in that alligator pit.

Even without the third rail of the MSM, there is a lot more flak flying around here than this administration is use to dealing with, which is why I suggested they contact Scandal Busters ‘R Us before things get entirely out of control.

               

We’re thinking of getting the old Flack Squad back together again

It looks to me like some of the R-words have finally gotten around to reading Alinsky’s Rules. Maybe they’ve even gone one step further and read Michael Patrick Leahy’s Rules for Conservative Radicals or David Kahane’s Rules for Conservative Radicals: Beating the Left at Its Own Game or, perhaps, consulted my little blog.

If in fact the R-words have finally figured out how to fight fire with fire it’s even more important that Big Guy  “Pass the Jobs Bill Now!”

Big Guy in Mesquite, TX. “If this Jobs Bill wasn’t real, could I do this with it?”

Kind of a Weekend at Bernie’s situation if you ask me.

Anyway, if the opposition is onto the Alinsky Rules gambit, Big Guy and Lady M are going to have to spend a lot more time on the fund raising trail. Because I think that would automatically up the re-election ante to a minimum of TWO billion dollars.

Linked By: greenlantern2011 on NO QUARTER, Thanks!

“If I don’t have this done in 3 years…”– don’t finish that thought.

Boy, where does all this hostility come from!? And when will it end?

Finally, the White House has decided to be transparent - and embarrassingly so. The first lady officially announced her husband’s kickoff of the 2012 election with a thinly veiled photo-op trip to a local Target discount store. (snip)

We all expect politicians to pander to the great unwashed masses, but this is just embarrassing. The photograph deserves its own wing in the Bad Political Photo-ops Hall of Fame. This is John-Kerry-crawling-on-all-fours-in-his-hoodie-spaceman-costume embarrassing. It’s Michael-Dukakis-bouncing-around-in-a-tank-with-an-oversized-helmet embarrassing. It’s Barack-Obama- bowling-a-37 embarrassing.

John Kerry in his Woody Allen sperm suit embarrassing? Ewww! That is embarrassing.

I don’t know what the the Washington Times thought they were going to accomplish by printing this “story” butt all they really managed was to tick Lady M off even more than she already was. So she refused to show up for last night’s planned photo-op on the Wons actual anniversary (October 3). She and Big Guy were scheduled to show up at the local Costco to grab a hot dog, and claim it was an anniversary tradition – sort of like the infamous John and Elizabeth Edwards anniversary-celebration-at-Wendy’s shtick.

John and Elizabeth (may she rest in peace, no thanks to John) in happier times at Wendy’s

It’s probably just as well Lady M put the kibosh on the Costco gig, as the Edwards hoax - in retrospect -  didn’t turn out so well.

And since Costco is no longer providing free electric charges for Big Guy’s Government Motors Volts, they didn’t really deserve the publicity any way.

 

Butt I tell you, the Wons have had a hard time cutting a break on their wedding anniversary.

Wedding Belle Blues: 10-3-92

Remember our first, historic year in the Big White? Anniversary #17 rolled around right after our stunning (and humiliating) loss of the planned 2016 Chicago Olympic games to Rio, and it looked for awhile like we wouldn’t be going out to celebrate at all. Then last year I had the flu during the entire Anniversary season and couldn’t plan anything special. And since I was in no position to stop her, Lady M got dressed up as Wonder Woman to seduce Big Guy.

Gratefully, I was feverish and remember nothing. I hope you don’t either.

So now this year, when everything should be going swimmingly, we find ourselves the “underdog” in what was supposed to be a slam dunk re-election bid. And nobody around here can figure out why. I think I might have found a website that could explain at least part of it, in words that even Dear Reader will understand:

h/t sherrybt

…well, actually, there’s lots, lots more. Go see The Obama Presidency – by the numbers for yourself.

Don’t you just hate it when your own words come back to bite you?

“If I don’t have this done in three years, then there’s going to be a one term proposition.”  - Barack Obama, 2009

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Markdowns on Aisle 6: Our fundraising is now back on TARGET

What a crappy weekend.

It actually began on Friday with all the partisan blowback that Thursday’s Tarjay outing continued to generate from cynical R-word reporters on the innertubz:

“almost as soon as the pictures hit televisions, newspapers and Web sites, Obama’s critics were raising suspicions, suggesting the trip was a calculated attempt to deflect criticism of the first lady’s more expensive tastes in vacations and wardrobes.”

Of course they were all so caught up in the “photo-op” angle that they – thankfully - missed the best candid shot caught by our AP Big White photographer. Although it’s been deleted from the official photo files, You may have already seen it in Friday’s comment-thread caption contest:

credit: BKeyser

Winning caption (so far) is Otis T. Cribblecobble’s "Do not leave unattended children in your shopping cart"

Then, while Big Guy was busy hustling donors in Georgetown, Warren Buffet, uber-rich capitalist and party planner, was having a hard time selling out his Obama fundraiser in New York. Word has it that he had to reduce the price from Big Guy’s standard $35,800 per plate to just $10,000 to get any of the Wall Street crowd to show up at the Four Seasons. I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that all the people he invited are included in that small butt elite group of the uber-rich that Buffy the Tycoon Slayer thinks should pay (a lot) more in taxes?

…the message appeared to have limited appeal to donors expected to pay $10,000 a plate; the turnout was “disappointing,” according to one guest.

Then on Saturday, Big Guy had to share his and Lady M’s anniversary Date Night with the GLBT community. BO put on his best gay-face to attend their annual dinner, and hinted that he might consider issuing an Executive Order legalizing gay marriage if they promised to love, honor, obey and vote for him in 2012.

Then Restaurant Eve ran out of locally sourced beluga, Wagyu beef and Stoli, so we had to deal with that whole issue.

“C’mon Meech, I’ll get you a bag of burgers from the Shake Shack on the way home.”

Then on Sunday, one of Big Guy’s formerly BFF’s – BET CEO Robert Johnson - goes on Fox News Sunday to take a swing at him:

“I think the president has to recalibrate his message,” Johnson said. “You don't get people to like you by attacking them or demeaning their success. I grew up in a family of 10 kids and the first one to go to college, and I've earned my success. I've earned my right to fly private if I choose to do so. Attacking me is not going to convince me that I should take a bigger hit because I happen to be wealthy.”

Apparently Bobby’s idea of the American Dream doesn’t involve giving 80-90% of his earnings to Big Guy in order for him to realize his American Dream.

All of these weekend happenings have put both Lady M and Big Guy off their good moods, so I’m not really looking for a great week around here unless someone can come up with miracle “jobs, jobs, jobs” plan that actually puts America back to work.

We are currently pursuing all alternatives.

Oh yes: the results are in from the official Rush Limbaugh/MOTUS Presidential Poll: out of a total of 1,862,412 documented votes, 9,312 (0.5%) votes were cast for Big Guy and 1,853,100 votes were cast for Mickey Mouse (99.5%). Note: results rounded up for clarity and impact.

It appears that George Soros’ last minute attempt to steal the election by confusing Big G with Mickey was a complete failure:

This time voters cast their ballots for the genuine article.

although the resemblance is uncanny:

Linked By: The Radio Patriot, and FlBreeze on NO QUARTER, Thanks!

Date Night Alert!

Early in the evening Big Guy delivered the keynote address at the annual Human Rights Campaign annual dinner. I’m not sure he knew it was actually a gay rights group before accepting the invite, butt I don’t think he would have stayed for dinner anyway. Most of his contracts max out at 45 minutes because few groups can afford to book a whole hour. So he just used his time judiciously to slam the R-words for being homophobes or something. Then, seeing all the happy couples at the Gay Human Rights Dinner, he remembered that yesterday was official “Date Night” and hightailed it back to the Big White to pick up Lady M for a romantic dinner.

They were celebrating the 19th anniversary of the wedding of their joint ambitions, which is actually Monday. For the occasion, staff selected Restaurant Eve in Alexandria, Virginia where they enjoyed a few stiff ones and the “Chef’s Table” menu. In case you’re not from Alexandria, the restaurant, owned by husband and wife team Cathal and (I’m not making this up) Mechelle Armstrong, is just the kind of restaurant the Wons enjoy celebrating at.  Cathal, a monster in the sustainability field which won him a “Green Giant Award” for “those who work to protect and preserve our environment and teach the virtues of green living.”

Butt most importantly, the Big White has previously honored him as a “Champion of Change” in Big Guy’s famous Winning the Future initiative. That’s right, WTF! I know we’ve “moved on”  from WTF as far as the PR staff is concerned, butt it still means a lot to people like Cathal who really are WTF. Here’s why Lady M loves him:

“As a father of two young children he has dedicated himself to educating children and families about healthy eating. Unsatisfied by the nutritional quality, in schools Armstrong founded Chefs as Parents™  a non for profit company that will partner with The Alexandria public school system to improving the school lunch system.”

And Big Guy loves him for WTF – just like he asked.

So given the stature and politics of the owners of Restaurant Eve, where else would the Wons go for that special night?

Also from their website:

“The 34-seat Chef's Tasting Room is Chef Armstrong's culinary showcase. Here, Armstrong features a five, seven, and nine-course prix-fixe tasting menu, priced at $120, $135, and $150 respectively. The courses are headed: Creation (palate teasers), Ocean (seafood), Earth & Sky (meats and game), Age (cheese) and Eden (desserts). The Tasting Room menu changes daily as there are many farmers markets in the area. Keeping true to the SEASON, if it be summer, highlights include Heirloom Tomato Tart with Garden Basil grown from the restaurant's own organic garden and Butter Poached Maine Lobster with Eastern Shore Corn. Keeping true to the MISSION, the menu features delectable sustainable meat entrées such as The Hogs Head "Banger" and Polyface Farm 100% Pasture Fed Beef Ribeye.”

After enjoying that tempting read, the website reminds us:

How you choose to eat affects the whole food system. Our menu reflects the Virginia growing season and features the best hand-fed, farm-raised, organically grown bounty that our region has to offer. We support humane, sustainable and responsible farming practices for the simple fact: local food, raised and produced by people who care, is better.

I guess I’d agree, getting food prepared by people who care is probably better than getting it from people who don’t give a crap. Butt surely there is a point at which the whole eating experience stops being enjoyable and simply flows into the pretentious pool of precious? No? Well , forget I said anything.

Anyway, I’m sorry to report there’s been another photo embargo imposed, due to the way the Tarjay photo op got completely out of hand. So now we have new rules: in addition to our long standing rules prohibiting photos of our flanks, we are also prohibiting photos of either Big Guy or Lady M at any upscale venues such as swanky Washington area restaurants. Surprise photo ops will continue to be available, by invitation only, to certain photo-journolists when Lady M is acting like “regular folk.”

Wons acting like “regular folk”

We know how disappointed our fans will be, especially over the ban on date night photos, because the Wons surely aren’t going to Applebee's of Denny’s.  So we’re trying out a new format of simulated date night experiences. The plan was hatched by a bunch of our Hollywood maggots moguls at our last Left-coast fundraiser. The plan even qualifies for stimulus funding, because it creates or saves a handful of jobs by hiring a bunch of out-of-work animators to create virtual date nights for you to enjoy. I think it will be better than the real thing.

Here’s a sneak peek at our first one. We were going to release it last night, butt I think it needs a little more work, and a new sponsor.

I have to go now. I’m throwing a baby shower for my niece, Celia. You remember her, she got married last year and now she’s got a little reflector in the oven.