Sunday, June 6, 2010

When Snarks Attack: 7

It’s June, so that must mean it’s time for the May edition of my world famous When Snarks Attack competition!

Once again, my super-secret nominating committee had a hard time narrowing the mountain of snarks to fit the ballot. This month, we are offering up for your consideration a baker’s dozen of the snarkiest snarks. So, without further adieu, and in alphabetical order, here are your May 2010 When Snarks Attack: 7 nominees for the coveted Golden FLOTUS:

When Snarks Attack-7 Nominees

May, 2010

(comments may be edited by moi)

1. bettyann: "Tyrants of the World: a Member’s Only Club"

“. . . that pin looks like something my sea cucumber vomits to keep the cleaner shrimp busy. . .”

2. Cinderella: "Fashionista Rip Off"


WTH is that thing sitting on Christina Hendrick's shoulder? A dead animal? A tumor? Something the designer picked from the a trash can behind an autopsy lab? What is it?”

3. Don Rodrigo: "Big Food, Big Prints"

“Fascinating, the dynamics of the Fashionista, whether that be Michelle Antoinette herself, or Sarah Jessica Cyranose:
Half the time they look passably elegant, and the other half of the time they look like freakin' circus clowns.”

4. Florida Girl: "Tyrants of the World: a Member’s Only Club"

“Demi-tyrant has Buddha belly. Tyrant is twice as tall with Buddha bottom!!!!!”

5. Janice: "Hemlines: They’re a lot like borders"

“. . . It is called proctocraniology. In other words, her head is shoved so far up her ass, she can't help but make those faces.”

6. Labwriter: "Moles, Polls and Controlled Fat Rolls"

“I'd rather have a mammogram than wear that blue dress.”

7. Madame DeFarge: "Primer Fiesta Mexicano Histórico"

“Gosh, MOTUS! Serving Mexican food to Mexicans...seems a bit like carrying coals to Newcastle. . .”

8. MJ: "Butt Out (Special TGIF bonus post)

“If I throw a stick, will they leave?”

9. Moright: "Clarabell vs Ronald McDonald: 9th Circus Court of ...

“And so the grim Socialists took the Happy out of Happy Meals. Their plan to eradicate all joy remains on track. . .”

10. PortiaElizabeth: "Monday Morning Food Fight"

“I don't know about the rest of you, but I sit up and take notice when Al Franken and Jeanene Garafolo shake their fingers at me. And then I return the favor with a helpful hand gesture of my own.”

11. Sine Qua Non: "Are We Having Fun Yet?"

“And The Won is beaming with excitement at the thought of sneaking plenty of cigs on the family back porch.
Ooops, given Mo-Mo's growing assets, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned a "back porch." My bad.”

12. srdem65: "Revving Up for Motown"

“I'm hoping that it's not my fault...I usually turn my keyboard upside-down every morning and shake out any lurking trolls but, you know...a senior moment or two and I forget. Sorry”

13. Suzette: "Potty Break Posting"

“I just love how she always has some kind of theme going on. This time, she looks like someone Kirk would fall in love with when he beams down to a planet full of shiny blue women with tails.”

Congratulations to this month’s nominees! The polls will remain open until 11:59PM, Tuesday, June 8, or until ordered to do so by a Court of Controlling Legal Authority. As always, Chicago rules apply. So, vote early and vote often. Pander to your base and get the vote out!

May the best snark win, or at least be offered an important, but unpaid advisory position, to drop out of the running!