Qatar Hero Algorical Returns to Explain his Theory of Everything

I guess you can call this progress: we’re not blaming Bush for the economic non-miracle on Main Street anymore. From now on, we’ll be blaming tsunamis, hurricanes and other natural disasters:

As well as “strong headwinds.” Specifically strong headwinds kicked up by all those wily weepubwicans in the House who are hampering our economic recovery.

I’m still stunned. How could the GDP have dropped so precipitously in just one quarter when our jobs! jobs!jobs! numbers have been so strong? Either the Republicans’ politics of destruction are worse than we thought, or the GDP is a less perfect measure of the economy than we thought.

I’ve found someone who can shed some light on the situation that’s causing gridlock on the Potomac: Algore. In addition to being an acclaimed computer scientist (and co-inventor of the internet), politician (and winner of the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election), climatologist (and co-inventor of anthropogenic global warming), and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Al has recently bolstered his resume with the added titles of greedy capitalist, sociologist and philosopher-king.

So who better to offer his insight, as he did on his Morning Joe appearance to hawk his new book, The Future? Al waxed eloquently on everything, including the latest scientific theory on the DNA determined predestination of liberals and conservatives:

A Needed Stimulus For Our Robust Keynesian Recovery

News Alert: Economy Shrinks in the Fourth Quarter, 2012 – unexpectedly, of course.

Big Guy, Te’oing the Recovery

What? I thought we would be in the middle of a massive Keynesian recovery by now; that’s what swept Big Guy to reelection, right?

I guess the the economy in retrograde is good news for Senator Mary “I am not going to keep cutting the discretionary budget, which by the way is not out of control, despite what you hear on Fox News”  Landrieu, however.

Although it looks like we may have a bigger problem than Fox News, this latest economic report does clear the way for Mary and her fellow Dems to increase “discretionary spending.” After all, unemployment checks and food stamps are the only arrows they have left in their quiver to “stimulate” the economy.

"It is the biggest bang for the buck when you do food stamps and unemployment insurance. The biggest bang for the buck,"  Nancy Pelosi, 7-06-10

This fallacious-on-its-face recovery technique is known by various names around the globe. The European style model is called the “Broken Window” recovery; closer to home it’s known as the “Retail Therapy Recovery”

 

Life’s Not Fair. But We Can ACT Like It Is.

It’s feel good Tuesday and to be honest it’s getting harder and harder to find things that can accommodate this category.

Butt as I was purging my hard drive this morning of all superfluous Sundance-Hollywood-movie related images and viruses I did find this, that I think may do the trick:

Gloria Steinem and Marlo Thomas

The case for aging naturally: Gloria wins, if we were still allowed to keep score

Here we have author and activist Gloria Steinem with actress, author, and activist Marlo Thomas on deck, discussing one of today’s most pressing issues: gender issues in Hollywood. Specifically, whether the trend towards gender neutrality (which Gloria practically invented) should be extended to the field of acting by eliminating the distinction and recognize them all as simply “actors.”  That would eliminate separate “best actor” and “best actress” prizes and allow men and women to compete against each other for the “best actor” award. That seems sexist on it’s face to me, butt what do I know?

SAGging Towards Gomorrah

Of course there are other stories in the news. For instance, the F-16s we’ve giving to the Muslim Brotherhood, the “politics make strange bedfellows” 60 minutes interview with BO and Hills (featuring that contagious laugh of the wise woman of State), the court rulings against BO’s non-recess appointments and his EPA mandate to use non-existent biofuels, and Big Guy’s latest attempt to silence Rush Limbaugh and the Fox News Network.

Butt I know that what you’re really interested in are the SAG Awards handed out last night, so here goes.

It’s hard to believe that the Golden Globes were handed out just two weeks ago, butt what a difference! Let’s start with the Most Improved Award, which goes hands down to Jessica Chastain:

 

Lift and separate, lift and separate! If it weren’t for the fact that you can tell she has an inny this look would be a complete winner.

First runner up, same category, goes to Nicole Kidman:

For one thing, she left her urban cowboy home last night. For another, her gown was embossed with floral appliques instead of studs, so that’s a winner right there. As an aside, I’m not buying that Nicole’s strawberry blonde hair is real any more than I believe this is Lady M’s:

Sundance 2013: It’s a Wrap

Well, we officially wrapped up the 2013 Sundance Festival last night with the Awards Ceremony. As in previous years, there were precious few films deserving of rewards, butt that’s never stopped the Awards Committee before and it didn’t this year either. Besides, it’s a necessary formality, and the excuse for one last extravagant party before Park City rolls up the red carpet along with the sidewalks and settles down as a ski resort for the balance of the winter.

Sundance came to its official close this year as Joseph Gordon Levitt - who made his directorial debut this year with Don Jon's Addiction (hint, Porn)

Bobby with Joseph Gordon, as he prefers to be called now that he’s a director

- opened the awards ceremony by stating: "This isn't basketball. This is the movies. There are no winners and losers. This is art."

If he really believes that, it may explain a lot of the unwatchable movies (including his) screened each year at Sundance. In fact though, I think he only said it because his porn-art movie didn’t win.

Anyway, right after announcing the middle-school policy of no-losers, we’re all equal around here,  Mr. Levitt proceeded to announce which of this year’s contenders are more equal than others in several film categories.

For people who talk about it incessantly, and with such admiration and reverence, these people seem to have no grasp of the meaning of irony.

“I’m gonna miss ya, take a memo:”

You’ve probably heard that Big Guy needs a new secretary. So why did Steve Kroft invite him to come on the 60 Minutes show with his old secretary – and not even ask him if he’s posted the opening yet?

60 Minutes? 60 Minutes the premier “investigative journalism” program? What are they investigating?

• The role of the U.S. in the rise of the Arab Spring?
• The U.S. role in the resurgence of al Qaeda in the Middle East? 
• The State Department’s complicity in Fast and Furious, the failed plan to get guns out of the hands of bitter clingers and into the hands of Mexican murderers?
• The “normalizing” of security functions in embassies and consulates that left Americans at risk?
• Big Guy’s decision to covertly arm Syrian rebels?
• The policies that supplied U.S. arms to al Qaeda in Libya?
• Policies that led to the changing of the guard in Egypt from a pro-U.S./pro-Israel regime to an anti-U.S./anti-Israel regime?
• Policies that led to the changing of the guard in Libya from an anti-U.S./Israel regime scared of us to an anti-U.S./anti-Israel regime not scared of us?
• The gift of 20 F-16s to Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood (that hates the U.S. and Israel)?
• Benghazigate?

No.

When MOTUS Met Hillary

I should have known better. I should have just kept my yap shut. Butt yesterday when Sara B mentioned how a family member of one of the Benghazigate victims described his meeting with Hillary Clinton as “cold” adding that she wouldn’t even look any of them in the eye, I had to go shoot my mouth off about my experience:  “Speaking of cold, some day I'll tell you my true story of the first time I met old Hills. Cold doesn't begin to describe the ice that broad is carved out of.”

I immediately got called out for teasing the story. So now I will relate the details of the incident, which is probably far less exciting than you may have HOPEed or been led to believe.

On my behalf, I would like to point out that I have been trans-imaging all of the inaugural events on Washington D.C. time (EST), screening films here at the Sundance Festival on Park City time (MST) all while tending to a houseful of guests. Hillary isn’t the only one around here with a heavy workload and inadequate funding for staff.

So if I misled you into believing that my little “When MOTUS Met Hillary” tale would be more entertaining than it turns out to be, I accept full responsibility; butt I blame you for having such unreasonably high expectations in the first place based on the low amount of information I presented.  I stand firmly with Lonestar Stacy and declare: “I take responsibility, but it's not my fault because I was not doing my job."

Let’s get right to it shall we?

If it weren’t for low integrity...

“There ain't nothin' more powerful than the odor of mendacity...You can smell it. It smells like death.”                                       Big Daddy, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

“What difference does it make!!”

Let’s try to parse this a bit more.

Question:

"It's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep, but there's a phone in the White House and it's ringing. Something is happening in the world. Your vote will decide who answers that call. Whether it's someone who already knows the world's leaders, knows the military. Someone tested and ready to lead in a dangerous world. It's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. Who do you want answering the phone?"

Answer:

We don’t care; just make sure somebody answers the damn phone. Lives depend on it.

Let’s parse this a bit:

      

Hillary has always been a good student. This was evidenced again yesterday as she maneuvered the Benghazi obstacle course with legendary Clintonian skill; managing to take 100% responsibility with 0% blame.

The New World Order: More Containment, Less Charmeuse

What a busy week – so busy I forgot to go to one of the Sundance movies I scored tickets for! I’m not complaining though. Everyone else around here has been doing their share of sacrificin’ too:

Even Little Bo was pressed into action. He had to  stand on line with the Wons for 36 minutes yesterday before finally being relieved of duty!

Plus we had to go to church:

Four MO Years

Anyway you look at it, it was historic.

Hey! Who invited the Tea Party?

And if you don’t believe me, just ask Chrissy Matthews who thought it so historic he called it Big Guy’s “Gettysburg” Address.

Others who shall remain known only to me said it sounded more  Petty-burg or Vendetti-burg than Gettysburg. I don’t see how phrases like “My fellow Americans, we are made for this moment, and we will seize it -- so long as we seize it together,” sound very Lincoln-esque, butt what do I know?

Butt hey! Yesterday was so much fun, what do you say we do it all over again?

 

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Our First, Second (okay, fourth) Historic, Ceremonial Inauguration

“Sometimes, I find myself thinking, ‘My God, what have we done?’”                  H/T Daily Caller

Martin Luther KING Day: coronation at noon

The ceremonial inauguration is finally here; and how ironic that it is to take place on Martin Luther King Day, a holiday that commemorates a man who dreamed of the day his children would be judged on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin.

Building character, one whine at a time

Yes, he is the WON we’ve been waiting for:

      

A COR-o-nation in the PORN-o-nation

Tough choice today: should I cover the pre-inaugural Festival in D.C.  or the Sundance Festival in P.C.? In a sense they’re both about the same thing.

As you may have heard, Newsweek (now exclusively on line!) has deemed the WON’s term number two “The Second Coming.” And (coincidentally) today’s emerging theme from Sundance that I was going to discuss is…pornography!

Seriously. With the official premiere screenings this weekend of Don Jon’s Addiction (hint: it’s porn), Lovelace (hint: yes, that Lovelace) and Kink (hint: it’s a San Fran porn studio) Sundance has officially embraced the dark side of the dark side.

Don’t you just love it when life imitates art?

Or is it the other way around? I always get that confused.

‘Dancing with the Stars

Day two, and “the festival of individual story telling” continues in Park City at the Sundance Film Festival.

Every year Robert Redford gets older, the traffic grows heavier and the “films” grow…well, the films grow. 119 to choose from this year. I should be able to find something I like.

Every year there are several motifs that emerge from the dozens of films selected for the festival. They reflect subjects in the current year that the Sundance selection committee feels need more cultural exposure. In addition to the perennial faves of drugs, sex and rock and roll, themes from previous years that have been selected to entertain us have been as wide ranging as suicide, transgendered relationships, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional gay families and the dangers of right wing extremists. Now that I’ve had a chance to study this year’s catalog of films I can report on some of the major trends for 2013.

This year’s Sundance logo. I see the design team’s gone minimalist. Watch for this emerging trend; it occurs regularly as recessions drag into decades.

Wow! Is that a stunning anti-Mad Man logo or what? And it fits perfectly with theme number 1 this year: anti-capitalism. (There are other themes too, butt I’ll cover them later.) Offered up in this category: “The East,”

Bang the Dumb Slowly

Is this any way to start your day?

“So, like, O.K., first things first: they obviously look great. Michelle Obama is a tremendously pretty person whose hair is one of her top-10 best physical attributes. It’s shiny and healthy and thick, so upping its prominence on her face is an excellent idea. The bangs are also short enough that they don’t obscure her face—the way mothers are always saying their daughters’ bangs do—which is a relief, since her lovely face also ranks amongst her top-10 best physical attributes.”                                     Vanity Fair Daily via h/t ZombieDachshund

Oh dear, I could kick myself for not warning you about this new, uh, “haircut.” In my defense allow me to say 1) I thought we agreed not to wear unveil this new 'do until the Inaugural, and 2) I surely didn’t think it would be such a big deal since we’ve worn Asian sporty bangs before; it’s not like it’s historical or anything.

Put down your gun or I’m calling the zoning board!

Disgusting. First Lance, now Manti Te’o. Does everyone have lie to us now days?

Touchdown Jesus scores one for the gypper

Yes, apparently so.  In addition to Lance lying about not doping it seems that Manti hoaxed us about his dead girlfriend. Apparently she never actually existed; she was a composite. Seriously, who would do that?

Oh Yeah, We’re Packin’

It’s always for the children isn’t it? I’ll get to that in a New York minute.

First, this important announcement for all of you MODs, and the MOLs who love them. I’m just going to go out on a limb and announce this as the fashion trend we’ve been waiting for: Junk Jeans for men, “Because men aren’t flat, so why are their jeans?”

       

Just when you begin to think that America isn’t great anymore, along comes a great invention like this to quiet your inner skeptic: jeans with built in gussets to accommodate men’s, uh, anatomy. I forecast an immediate success for this obvious (although not always  flattering) invention. I even have a few suggestions for celebrity endorsements:

Packin’ MO than you know!

The Historic First, Last Press Conference of the First Term

If, after yesterday’s historic first, last press conference of the First Term, you still doubt that Big Guy is this generation’s “great communicator” you still don’t get it.

“I hear you. With my left ear.”

You must still be hung up on last century’s model of a “great communicator” – someone whose convictions were based on the solid values that made America great and who spoke his mind and convictions simply, directly and honestly.

You’re Golden

Like Clarice, I find myself feeling a little more alienated from mainstream “culture” with each passing year.

Take the self-adulation orgy of the Golden Globes for example. It’s an American production (NBC) of an American Movie/TV Awards show, yet the winners are chosen by…the Hollywood Foreign Press Association? Only in America.

Last night’s telecast of the awards was, well, Les Miserables. I missed Ricky Gervais. His irreverent, non-partisan assaults lobbed in all quarters made heads explode. I guess the studio bosses and their hired hands didn’t find that as entertaining as I did. So this year we got NBC’s dream team: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler:

Some people found them amusing, butt not me, so let’s get on with this year’s winners/losers in both the film and fashion categories.

In the “sure bets” category:

Julianne Moore, for Best Actress in a TV movie making Sarah Palin out to be a dangerous idiot and tool of the religious right.

Guns for Me Butt Not for Thee

Meet some more of All the President’s (white) Men:

Not to be confused with the rest of the President’s (all white) men. 

Unlike the wonks who are only dangerous because they’re all likeminded ideologues, our Secret Service detail is armed and dangerous.

Rats Jump Ship; All that Remains is de Brie.

It’s getting hard to keep up with all the rats abandoning ship around here. It looks like we’ll be rearranging a few of the deck chairs ahead of our historic first, second inauguration.

Here, help me move this a little more to the left

Here’s what we know so far regarding the rats bailing on us: Hillary’s leaving State to “pursue other interests” i.e. making money on the lecture circuit with Bill.  More than likely she’ll be replaced by lantern jawed senior statesman Jean Karré, who finds our military reminiscent of Genghis Kahn. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta is leaving to run his California vineyard and consulting practice, to be replaced by Chuck Hagel who will be responsible for gutting streamlining both the military and Israel. Patraeus has resigned from CIA to write a book; he’ll likely be replaced by John Brennan – if and when Hillary can squeeze her testimony on Benghazi into her lecture schedule. Also departing, Secretary of Labor Hilda “tireless champion for working families” Solis; most likely to cash in lobby for “tirelessly champion” Big Labor.

The Gun Fight continues…What Would Breitbart Do?

BREAKING NEWS: MOTUS’ Friday Gun Poll has been re-opened due to popular demand and a linkie from Moonbattery! Hey, Chicago Rules, you know? Go here to see the formerly final, now, preliminary results.

Here is your Friday Gun Survey: (as always, Chicago Rules apply)

 

I was listening to Geraldo this morning on F&F as he articulated his liberal logic on guns and gun control. Essentially his position is: “I’ve got the guns I want, so you shouldn’t want anything more,” which is a variation of the basic liberal argument for regulating everything which is “I’ve got mine, so now I can regulate yours.”

Butt what really caught my ear was this comment from Geraldo, and I quote: “How could you not trust your own government?”

What Fresh Tyranny is This?

To paraphrase Ms. Parker, “What fresh tyranny is this?”

“With this pen, I thee shred.”

What part of “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed” does the professor of Constitutional Law not grasp? Ah! That’s not really the operative question, is it? We should be asking “how, exactly, does the Constitutional Law professor intend to circumvent that pesky amendment?

Joey’s out there floating some trial balloons: how far can we go before the people raise those arms they’ve been given the right to bear?

h/t Doug Ross

Don’t worry though, the Oscar nominations just came out. That means that politics-weary country can turn its attention back to Hollywood as the circuses are about to begin (for the time being you’ll still have to bring your own bread, butt we’re working on that too). That should at least get us all through Kim Kardashian’s first trimester.

Speaking of the Oscars reminds me though; remember when Hillary refused to say she was retiring when asked about her plans yesterday? Well, I think I’ve got a scoop for you: after conquering Washington she’s going to transfer her considerable acting talents to Hollywood to make a little more dough:

Amour received 5 Oscar nominations

In fact, I suspect she’s already been moonlighting:

               

Maybe that’s why she was so sure the Benghazi massacre was caused by a movie.

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